


so much for summer love

by manglefnaffan



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Closure, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Not Actually Unrequited Love, all i know is pain, im so fucking sad, no beta’d we die like beaujester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:19:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28717167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manglefnaffan/pseuds/manglefnaffan
Summary: “i’ve-accepted-that-beaujester-isn’t-gonna-happen-but-i-need-them-to-have-a-conversation-where-they-acknowledge-that-there-was-something-there-and-i’m-gonna-be-fucking-devastated-if-this-ship-doesn’t-get-some-damn-closure”ORbeau and jester address the elephant in the room
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha, Fjord/Jester Lavorre, Jester Lavorre & Beauregard Lionett, Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 6
Kudos: 67





	so much for summer love

**Author's Note:**

> i started crying while i wrote this the wound is still fresh y’all

Beauregard was no stranger to waking up in the early hours of morning. Most nights, in fact, she awoke well before sunrise for no reason in particular. Most nights, however, she simply ignored it, pulling Yasha closer to her body and drifting back to sleep. Tonight felt different somehow. 

After a moment of deliberation, Beau slipped out of her girlfriend’s embrace, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead before climbing out of bed and padding out of the room. Maybe she needed a cup of tea. 

As Beau made her way down the stairs, the sound of voices caught her attention, and she instinctually fell into a more defensive stance. This proved unnecessary when the source of the noise turned out to be Jester and Fjord, having a whispered conversation at the kitchen table. Jester giggled at something Fjord said, and Beau suddenly felt like she was intruding. She intentionally made more noise than normal as she walked down the rest of the stairs, so as to warn the couple of her approach. She watched as Jester, who heard her first, pressed her hand over Fjords mouth with a laugh. She pulled away almost immediately, the reason revealed when Fjord stuck his tongue out and she wiped her hand on his shirt, still in a fit of giggles.

“You two are disgusting,” Beau told them, though she was unable to contain a smile at that display. 

“Oh hi Beau!” Jester feigned surprise at her arrival, entirely ignoring her comment. Beau rolled her eyes. 

“Don’t pay me any mind, I’m just gonna make some tea and then be on my way,” she gestured vaguely towards the stairs, moving towards the shelf where Caduceus kept his collection. 

“No, don’t worry about it! We were just leaving,” Jester replied. She reached for Fjord’s hand. He nodded, rising from his seat and loudly shoving it backward in the process. Beau resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the awkward half-orc. 

Watching the interactions between the couple brought back a twinge of nostalgia. Beau was happy, undeniably so. She really did love Yasha, and clearly Jester loved Fjord. But for a moment, Beau was transported to a night long ago, lying sleepless next to Jester in a shitty bed at a shitty inn. She remembered longing to be able to wrap her arms around Jester, to sleep with her lips pressed to the back of her neck. It had been a long time since she felt anything other than familial love for the tiefling, but the memory still brought on bittersweet emotions. She debated for a moment, thinking of the woman upstairs in their shared bed, the woman she’s falling in love with. 

Beau looked back to Jester. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you for a minute.” 

Jester appeared slightly confused, but gave Fjord a peck and sent him upstairs, promising she’ll be up soon. She sat back down, motioning for Beau to do the same. Beau complied, perching on the chair and pulling her knees up to her chest. A brief moment of silence passed before Beau took a deep breath and began.

“I guess we probably should have had this conversation a while ago, but uh, now’s as good a time as any, right?” She chuckled awkwardly. When Jester stayed silent, she cleared her throat and continued. “Yasha makes me really happy. Judging by that sickening display I was victim to when I came down here, Fjord makes you just as happy.”

Jester nodded. Her brows were furrowed in confusion, and she was leaning ever so slightly forward, curious as to where Beau was going with this. She continued.

“I guess I’ll just put it out there. I had a massive crush on you for the longest time. I’m absolutely, undeniably over it now, obviously, but I was kind of in love with you for a while there.” Beau let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, and gave the statement a moment to sink in. The rest came out in a big rush, trying to make sure Jester understood what she meant.

“This really isn’t meant to be some sort of grand gesture to get you to drop Fjord and be with me, I’m completely over it and now I’m falling in love with Yasha— don’t tell her i said that— but I just woke up a minute ago and something felt off and I think it was a sign that I was supposed to talk to you because I would kick myself if we never discussed it and you never knew because like, yeah, I’m over it, but I still love you so, so much, in like a platonic way, and I don’t wanna hold this secret anymore because everything has been feeling different between us and I don’t know why but I really miss the old us. I miss how easy it was to be best friends. I miss you. Which obviously isn’t to say that I _didn’t_ —“ A blue hand shot out and grasped her own, which was gesticulating wildly in the air. 

“Beauregard,” she whispered. Beau stopped immediately, a blush creeping up her neck. “It’s ok.” Beau nodded, still embarrassed. Jester smiled softly, reaching up to hold Beau’s face in her hand. Beau leaned into her touch. For a moment they stayed that way, before Jester pulled away gently and placed her hands back in her lap. 

“I had the biggest crush on you too,” she admitted. 

Beau blinked. “…What?”

“Isn’t that funny, Beau? Imagine what would have happened if we weren’t so stupid, and just told each other how we felt,” she murmured wistfully.

“But... I thought you were straight?” 

“So did I!” Jester said with a grin. Beau looked down at the floor in confusion and surprise.

“Who would have thought,” she mumbled. A long stretch of silence followed, in which the pair simply stared, almost like they were seeing each other for the first time. Questions left unasked and unanswered filled the air between them, secrets that neither would ever learn. When Jester finally spoke again, both of their eyes were shiny with regret-filled tears. 

“We would have been great,” She whispered, tears tracing down her cheeks. She squeezed her eyes shut. Beau smiled softly.

“Yeah, we really would’ve.” She reached out to hold both of Jester’s hands in her own. “Jester?” she asked. Her calloused thumbs traced invisible patterns on blue skin. She waited for her best friend to meet her eyes, eventually releasing one of her hands momentarily to tilt her chin up to look at Beau. “I’m always gonna love you Jessie, you know that?” Jester let out a bittersweet laugh and nodded. She leaned forward to press her forehead against Beau’s. 

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t brave enough,” she whispered, voice breaking. She smiled softly. Beau made a noise of affirmation, gripping Jester’s hands just a little bit tighter. “In another life.”

Another tear rolled down Beau’s face. “In another life,” she agreed. The two girls stayed like that, for what felt like eternity, fingers interlocked and foreheads pressed together. It felt like a glimpse of what could have been, if Jester had just been brave enough, if Beau had grown up just a little faster. 

At the same time, it felt like coming home.

After who knows how long, the sound of a door closing somewhere in the house pulled them back into the real world. Beau cleared her throat and sniffled, rising from her chair and reaching out to help Jester up as well. She seemed to make a decision as she stood up, and as soon as Jester got to her feet she tackled Beau in a hug that almost knocked them both back down. 

“I love you, Beauregard Lionett,” she mumbled into her shoulder.

“I love you too Jes,” Beau whispered back. When they finally broke apart, Beau turned to head back upstairs, pausing momentarily at the bottom step. “Goodnight,” she said, and without waiting for a response, returned to her room.

As she climbed back into bed, Yasha stirred. Beau smiled fondly, curling to the shape of her body and wrapping an arm around the aasimar’s torso. “You were gone so long,” Yasha mumbled sleepily. “What happened?” 

Beau kissed the back of her neck, before whispering just as quietly; “Closure.”

**Author's Note:**

> so that was fun. leave a comment i need attention :D
> 
> -title is from august by taylor swift-


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